Puzzles, Public Libraries, PBS, and Pumpkin Pie

Today I am thankful for puzzles, public libraries, PBS, and pumpkin pie.

The beginning

Thanks. I appreciate that. I'm so grateful. Things we say. Things we believe we mean. Do we? Really? How do we know when we've truly given thanks for something, appreciated its value, felt truly grateful for it? I'm not always great at thank you notes. I always try to do them, but often they get put off, not sent right away. Sometimes, forgotten entirely. Not usually for the big things - birthdays, other holidays or occasions - but often for the smaller ones. I had a moment the other day though that made me realize in part why that is. I'm not sure I'm always truly grateful for what I have or what I've been given. As it applies to gifts, I find it hard sometimes to express appreciation for something when I haven't yet realized its value. But that's not the point, is it. It isn't the object, it is the action. And I haven't been paying enough attention to that. It isn't just gifts. It's everything, and it impacts everything. I've found myself recently in moods that don't suit me; that don't reflect who I'd like to think I am. Impatient. Angry. Anxious. It doesn't reflect who I want to be - who I want my husband to experience and my son to remember. I want to reflect something else. And I believe it all stems from true gratefulness. Each evening before dinner in my house, we give thanks to God for the food and anything else that comes up. My nearly-three year old usually names each part of his meal and ours "pasta, water, mommy water, daddy water, mommy pasta, daddy pasta..." It is sweet, but I want it to be deeper. I want the dinner time thank you's to be only a small part of a much larger experience. I want to live gratefulness. I want to be gratefulness. I believe that being grateful will help me connect to the peace, joy, patience, generosity that I also aspire to. It will connect me to God and to others in my life, enriching those relationships. So, where do I start? I guess I've already started in little ways at dinnertime. But it needs to take more, because that alone clearly isn't working. So, I'm going to write. To document my journey. To write down everything (or at least as much as I can) that I am thankful for each day. To expand my understanding. To find ways to express my gratitude. To see if something I am grateful for is reflected by something others don't have and see where that realization leads. Today, I'm thankful for a place to start and a vision to aspire to.